Do you feel like you are failing if you don’t do “all the things” perfectly and with a smile on your face? How many times have you felt like the meanest person alive because you yelled at your kids? How many times have you compared yourself to other moms who seem to have their ducks perfectly lined up in their perfectly straight line? How many times have you gone to bed crying because of the “mom guilt”?

I have my days when I feel like I’m rockin’ this mom thing. However, those days are few and far between. Most days I feel like I’m absolutely failing. Well, maybe not exactly failing, but at least feel like I’m doing just enough to get by. Most days I feel like a complete hot mess. And you know what, it’s ok.

I have to remind myself constantly that I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to have all the answers. I don’t have to do “all the things” and be “all the things.” My ducks can be scattered all over the place. It’s ok …

It’s ok to be the example of what NOT to do

I know we should lead our kids by example. And I’m pretty sure that example is supposed to be what you should do or how you should act. However, it’s ok to sometimes be the example of what NOT to do. Our kids need to know we make mistakes, and that we aren’t perfect. They like to see us be human. It’s ok if you let a cuss word (or 50) slip out. It’s ok to let that road rage loose ever so often while they are in the car. It’s ok if you overreact to a situation sometimes.

Let me ask you a question. What do you do after all cussing, fussing, and overreacting? Do you apologize? Do you reassure them you still love them? Do you have a heart-to-heart with them? Maybe not immediately, but I know you do eventually. Well, that right there is showing them the right things to do after you lose your temper.

It’s ok to say no

It’s ok to say “no” to our kids. It is so hard for me to not say “yes” to all the things they want. In the grand scheme of things, I think, “is it really that big of a deal?” I find myself looking for reasons to give them what they want. “Oooh they did something the third time I asked instead of the fifth time. That deserves a reward.” I mean, positive reinforcement is drilled into our heads. “Don’t discipline for bad, reward for good” they say, right? But, is this good for them? What is it teaching them? That they can always have what they want, when they want it? That there aren’t consequences when they do something wrong? When was the last time a police officer pulled you over and said, “I pulled you over because you were obeying all the traffic laws, and I want to reward you”?

Our kids will be just fine if they are not happy 100% of the time. Just remember, we were not always happy as kids, and we turned out just fine.

It’s ok to say no to other adults. We don’t have to go to every event. We don’t have to help everyone. We don’t have to volunteer for everything. We don’t always have to be the one’s to say “Sure, I can do it.” I absolutely love helping others. It makes me feel so good to help make someone’s load lighter. It is definitely one of my passions. But I really need to work on saying “no” sometimes.

It’s ok to need (and ask for) help

This is the hardest one for me to remember. (You thought I was going to say “it’s ok to say no,” didn’t you??). I don’t like being dependent on someone. I don’t like feeling like I’m using, taking advantage, or putting someone out. There’s this meme going around here lately that says, “Me trying to ask someone for a favor: Hey could you help me with this thing? Absolutely no pressure though. Totally ok if you can’t. If you’d rather run me over with a car that’s cool. Are you mad at me?” I relate to this more than I should. I’ve usually already rejected myself for them before I even ask. Remember, it’s ok to ask for help. You are not a lesser person if you need help. We all need help sometimes.

It’s ok to need a break

How many times have you thought (or even said) “I just need two minutes of quiet”? How many times have you dreamed of going to a cabin, hotel, or just anywhere by yourself? How amazing would it feel to worry about only yourself for one day? If you’re like me, that all sounds heavenly, but you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if you actually got that. After about 5 minutes (ok maybe 30 minutes to an hour), you would run back to all things you were trying to run away from (and then immediately regret it).

It’s ok to need a break from the ones you love the most. Guess what? They need a break from you too. Breaks are good, breaks are needed, breaks are deserved. Think about your job. Could you work your job 24/7 and not need a break? Isn’t it law that you have to have a break after so many hours of working? Motherhood is 24/7 job. Yes, we sleep, and I guess technically that’s a break (insert eye-roll here). But what about those nights your littles climb into your bed, or you have to clime into theirs? Even if/when you get a “break”, I bet you’re constantly wondering how they are, what they are doing. I know I do. Ask for help and take that break so that you can come back refreshed.

It’s ok to not be ok

“It’s ok to have a meltdown. Just don’t unpack and live there.” We’ve all heard that saying or at least a version of it. You’re having a bad day? Go lock yourself in your bedroom, or bathroom, and just have a good ole cry. Go take an extra long bath or shower and just cry. It’s good for your soul. It can be therapeutic. There is nothing wrong with crying. It doesn’t make you weak. We keep so much bottled up, and carry so much on our shoulders, we have to let it out somehow, someway, sometime. Wouldn’t it be better in a private setting than in the middle of grocery store?

Just remember, it’s ok …

If you don’t feel like it’s ok right now, it will be ok. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help make your life better.