Author Archives: Susan

Better

better How have the first couple of weeks of 2021 been? Hopefully, it’s looking better than 2020. Did you make any resolutions? Are you still sticking to them? I stopped making resolutions a few years ago. Every year I felt like I was setting myself up for failure. I knew I wouldn’t keep those resolutions through January. Last year I started doing a “Word for the Year” instead, and I think it’s a tradition I’ll keep doing.

My word for 2020 was “growth.” In January my intentions were to see growth in several aspects of my life. Throughout the year it was clear that what I needed most was personal growth. I found so many books, podcasts, and Facebook groups that helped me with that journey. I focused a lot on having a different mindset. Even though most days it felt near impossible, I worked extremely hard to stay positive.

My word for 2021 is “better.” 2021 has to be better, right? It has started off better for me and my family. I spent the last month of 2020 still learning how to grow so that our lives could be better. I researched and immersed myself in all things homeschooling. Listing the pros and cons. Talking myself into it, and out of it, several times. Could I homeschool? Should I homeschool? Would it be any different or any better than what we were currently going through? I always valued the socialization side of school as much, if not more, as I did the academic side. However, they were currently not getting that, and it seemed they wouldn’t get it anytime soon. We have had very little socialization for the last ten months. Would the hopeful, normal peer interaction they would receive in 6 months make up for the struggles they had been enduring for the past 9 months?

After all that research and many daily discussions with the kids, I finally decided to homeschool. And after so much research, I decided on a curriculum. I bought the books and came up with a game plan. I filled out the needed paperwork to start my homeschool and then filled out the needed paperwork to withdraw my kids from their current school. Ready or not, we’re in this now. We have been homeschooling for a little more than a week. While I know every day won’t be fabulous, so far it has been the right decision for us. I am not feeling as stressed, my middle schooler is laughing again, and my elementary child is not pouting and whining all day.

I am going to miss their elementary/middle school. I have loved being a part of that school family for the past seven and a half years. We have all made some really good friends there. My kids have had some amazing teachers. I will be forever grateful for their teacher providing the right educational foundation my kids needed. I truly feel the teachers did a fabulous job with what they were handed in 2020 and with the virtual learning. I’ve even adapted some of the virtual learning tools into our homeschool. Virtual learning was just not what we could handle. All three of us were stressed to our max every day.

I don’t know how long we will homeschool. It may be for a couple of years or it may be until they go to college. I’m just glad I chose this journey and that it’s a way to make 2021 better for us.

It’s Time to Stop the Bullying

Self-Bullying You’re ugly. You’re too fat. You’re too skinny. No one likes you. You’re stupid. You’ll never amount to anything. You’re worthless. You’ll always be alone. You would absolutely freak out if someone said those things to your child. So, why do you think it about and say it to yourself?

We all have our bouts with being unconfident. We look in the mirror and wish things were different. We may wish our nose was different, we could lose weight, we could gain weight, we weren’t still getting acne in our adult life. We may look at our lives and wish we were happier. We may wish we had more money, a bigger house, or a better car.

It’s one thing to wish and have goals of a better self and life. It’s a whole other thing when we make ourselves feel bad for what we what [we think] we look like, what we don’t have, or what we haven’t accomplished. There is a very thin line between wishing things were different and downright self-bullying.

It is so much easier for us to believe the negatives about ourselves. Whether it’s something we’ve thought about ourselves, or if someone else has said it to us, we are more likely to believe a negative comment rather than a compliment. We’ve all heard it before “it takes five positives (words, thoughts, feelings) to counteract one negative. ”

If there is something you don’t like about yourself, you basically have two options. Option 1: Change the way you see yourself by changing your thoughts and words. Option 2: Change what you don’t like by setting a goal, making a plan, then putting the plan into action. Quite honestly, there’s no reason you can’t do both.

Start being mindful of your thoughts. Every time you think something negative about yourself, immediately think of at least five positives. Put sticky notes full of positive words all over your mirror, computer screen/desk, anywhere you look and spend your time. The more we force positives into our thoughts, the more it will come naturally.

Sometimes it may more than just flooding our thoughts with positives. We may have to put a plan in motion. If you don’t like your weight, set a goal, make a plan, and do something about it. You don’t like your home, set a goal, make a plan, and start saving for a new home. If you don’t like your current life, whether it be because of a relationship, job, or something else, set a goal, make a plan, and change it. Remember the saying “nothing changes if nothing changes.”

Making a change is rarely easy, and it will not happen overnight, but just think how much happier you will feel once you stop bullying yourself. In the meantime, no matter what you may think about yourself, you are awesome, you are doing an amazing job, you are beautiful the way you are!

What do you do for fun?

fun Is this as hard of a question for you as it is for me? I have been asked this question before, and my mind goes blank. Is it because I don’t have any fun, or I don’t think my fun would measure up? Maybe it’s because I feel I’ll be judged for my idea of fun. My definition of fun has definitely changed throughout the years, but that doesn’t mean I’m not having fun now, right?

In my childhood years, I loved playing with my Barbies and my stuffed animals. I loved being outside riding my bike. Although I didn’t really like going to school, I loved playing school. I would spend hours playing Tetris and Super Mario Bros. There were a lot of weekends that were filled with sleepovers. That is what I did for fun then.

My teenage years, especially ages 15-19 were spent hanging out with friends. Cruising was the best. Just riding around town seeing who else was out. I got my first job at the age of 16. Although it was not fun going to school Monday through Friday, and then working Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday, I found ways to have fun at work. Then at 17, I thought I was so cool when I was able to get into a club simply by saying “oops I left my ID at home.” But there is where I fell in love with going to clubs. There wasn’t a weekend that I wasn’t either at a party or at a club. That is what I did for fun then.

My early to mid-twenties was filled with night clubs or bars. I worked anywhere from 50-60 hours a week and went to school 2-3 nights a week. I rewarded all my hard work with spending just about every Friday night and Saturday night at a club or bar until it closed. I absolutely loved to be around my closest friends and dancing my troubles away. That is what I did for fun then.

Then I had kids, and it seemed like all the fun stopped. Ok, maybe it didn’t stop, but it sure did change, dramatically. Fun was now watching my babies experience all their firsts. It was now hanging out with other friends and their kids. It was getting on the floor and playing with the kids. When my oldest son was about four, fun was watching him play soccer. Fun also included watching the same movie on repeat. As long as my children were happy, this mommy was having fun.

Now that they are a little older, fun has changed some more, just not so dramatically this time. Fun now is still hanging out with other parents and their kids. It’s also playing video games with my boys, and having Nerf wars. It’s going camping with them and with our scout family. Fun is laughing and joking with my kids. It’s going to the park or a hiking trail. This is what I do for fun now.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have adult fun as well. I enjoy having a girl’s day or night. For just a few hours every once in a while I get to be an adult and not a parent. It is the kind of fun that is much needed for me to recharge ever so often.

As we grow, our definition of fun grows and changes. So, just because your definition of fun changes, doesn’t mean you’re not having fun. If your fun is sitting on the couch and binge-watching something you’ve seen a thousand times, then own that fun. If you have more fun with your kids than you do with most adults, it’s ok. That is now your definition of fun. There is no right or wrong definition of fun. Just make sure you find some time to have fun, be happy, and recharge.