Author Archives: Susan

Being thankful even when it’s difficult

With Thanksgiving being next week, we often use this time to start thinking about what we have to be thankful for. If you’re like me, it has been difficult this year to remember all those reasons since it has been a year full of let downs, complaining, and doing without. This year has been so stressful and has brought so much sadness and depression. So many have lost so much. However, it’s times like these when we need to search so much deeper for reasons to be grateful. We’ve all heard it before, the more we think negatively, the more negative will come our way. Now more than ever, we need to force ourselves to think positively.

Personally, this year started off pretty great. My life was full of all sorts of things. My kids were in school and thriving. They were going to scouts every week. My younger son was taking guitar lessons. My older son already had two summer camp trips planned with the scouts. My direct sales business was booming. I was working my other two part-time jobs like normal.

Then the pandemic slammed on brakes in front of us. The kids started learning virtually, and I started working from home. Scout meetings stopped, guitar lessons started being virtual, scouting events were being canceled left and right. It was absolutely horrific trying to get my kids to do school work, while at the same time trying to get my work done. I literally was having meltdowns every day. I was to the point that basically the only thing I was thankful for was a couple of bosses who were flexible and understanding.

With time, we got used to the empty schedule. I even started to enjoy the lax routine. The kids got really lazy and bored. We all endured some cabin fever. The slower times gave us the opportunity and motivation to explore some local parks. Even though the playgrounds were closed for most of the summer, we were still able to walk around the parks and enjoy nature. I got some much needed extra yard work done. I also finally had the time to do some extra organizing and cleaning in the house.

When it was time for school to start back, we were reminded once again that things were still not normal and wouldn’t be for a long time. I had to think about making the tough decision of what was best for my kids and our family… virtual learning, hybrid learning, or school full time. The school would end up making the decision for us though. The kids were back to learning virtually. I was back to juggling their schedules with my adult responsibilities. The past eight months have been insane, and have kept us all asking those famous last words “what else could go wrong?”

This year had definitely been a tough year to be grateful for anything. It’s incredibly hard to see past the negatives when they are constantly shoved in our faces. However, here are some things, aside from the norm, I have been thankful for this year (in no particular order)

I’m thankful my kids have (for the most part) rolled with the punches.
I’m thankful I had a “break” in my routine.
I’m thankful I have been able to work from home.
I’m thankful I have been able to pay my bills and buy groceries.
I’m thankful for a few really close friends that helped keep me sane this year.
I’m thankful my family has remained healthy.
I’m thankful (and am always thankful) for the love and support from family and friends.

I have a challenge for you this week. Take some time each day to write down what you are truly thankful for. To get the juices flowing, start with responses such as “I’m thankful for my family, my health, my home, my job, etc.” After that, I want you to dig deep, and really think about all the things you have. If you tend to think negatively first, feel free to start with something negative, but then find two positives in there as well. For example, you may only be able to think “I hate my job,” but you can turn that into being thankful you have a job, and because you have a job, you’re able to pay your bills.

I would love to see your list. When you have finished, send it to me via my contact page.

How to Win the “Mom of the Year” Award

mom-of-the-year We all love winning awards. Even if you aren’t the competitive type, it’s still nice to be appreciated, recognized, and given an award. The “Mom of the Year” award may be one you try to avoid winning, but inevitably we all win it at some point. I have won the “Mom of the Year” award so many times, I need a separate room just for my trophies. All I had to do was follow these 6 simple steps.

#1 – Wake up late every day

Well, I guess you don’t have to do wake up late every day, just the important days. The days you have to be somewhere on time. The days you have to take your kids to school. You know those days where you set 20 alarms to make sure you wake up. The alarms are going off every 15 minutes. You don’t hear half of them, and you snooze the other half. You may even have one that you’ve named “ok, now you’re really late.” Waking up late gets that heart pumping and that adrenaline going. However, this does not count as exercise.

#2 – You procrastinate on the laundry

I tend to procrastinate doing laundry two different ways. Sometimes it seems like I never have clean clothes, while other times, I have piles and piles of clean clothes. Either way, they are rarely ever hung, folded, and put away as they should be. I take turns with both procrastination methods so I keep myself on my toes, and in a good panic constantly. It’s a game I like to call “Do I Have Clean Clothes, and Where?” There are two ways to play …

Scenario 1: You wake up late (see #1), fumble to your closet to find work clothes, and there’s nothing. You go to your kids’ closets, and none of their school clothes are there. You think to yourself “Ah, what about the dryer. I bet there are some clothes in the dryer.” Nope! What do you do? You look through the dirty clothes to see if you can find an outfit that doesn’t have stains all over it and doesn’t stink. You throw it in the dryer (bonus points if you throw a dryer sheet in there as well) to fluff it up.

Scenario 2: Most of scenario 2 is just like scenario 1. The difference is instead of no clean clothes, you actually have all clean clothes. However, NONE are folded, hung, or put away. They are just laying in piles on top of your dryer, on your kitchen table, and maybe even on your couch. So you have to leaf through all the piles of laundry, just to find some outfits for the day. Naturally, they are full of wrinkles, so then you have to take the time to fluff them.

#3 – Keep having to go back for forgotten items

You’ve woken up late. You’ve taken extra time to play the “Do I Have Clean Clothes, and Where?” game. You didn’t prepare for the day the night before. You are rushing around packing lunches and backpacks. If you leave right now, you may be able to make it to the school door without seeing “Tardy Marty.” You get in the car and realize you left your phone in the house, so you run back in to get it. You get back in the car and realize you forgot the water bottles. And then some homework. Oh and what about the entertainment for the kids for the ride (cause God forbid the kids would have to look out the window on the ride to school). Now you’re just hoping traffic is light, and you don’t get caught speeding.

#4 – Yell at your kids because you’re having a bad day

If your morning has started rushed and late, that’s just setting you up to have a completely horrific day. Traffic is bad, your boss is in a bad mood, work is hectic, your lunch was horrible, etc. It just seems like it’s one thing right after the other. The only thing you’re looking forward to is sitting on that comfy couch to decompress, relax, and forget about this day. Then, one of your little angels spills a cup of water. Normally you would say, “oh well, get a towel and clean it up. I’m glad it was just water.” But not today. Since you’ve taken all that you can take today, you yell and fuss, and start angrily cleaning it up yourself. There was no reason for this reaction, other than it was the “straw that broke the camel’s back.” Mom guilt sets in immediately when you see your sweet child walk-off, shoulders hunched, with tears filling his eyes. Now you get to apologize for overreacting.

#5 – Forget about all the events

You forget to sign up for that camping trip, that parent-teacher conference, that field trip, or one of the other many events that your kids have. This can happen for many reasons that all usually boil down to being overwhelmed with all the things. Sometimes it’s because you completely missed the email about it. Other times you see it, but can’t handle it right then. You say to yourself “I’ll take care of that in a minute,” and then two weeks later you’re either scrambling to get it done at the very last minute, or you’ve missed the deadline altogether.

This is a good time to have some other mom friends that are in your circle. You can text each other to keep each other on track. Let’s just hope you all aren’t racing to that “Mom of the Year” trophy at the same time.

#6 – Have a “not adulting today” kind of day … maybe too often

You know those days when you feel like you can’t take care of yourself, much less any tiny humans. Those days when you just want to binge-watch a show and stay in bed all day. Normally, you miss your kids when they are held up in their rooms watching YouTube. However, on days you don’t want to adult, you welcome it, and are very thankful if they do. Now, the question is, how often do you have those days? Once a week, once a month, rarely? The more frequently you don’t adult, the better your chances are at receiving that award.

There are so many more steps you can do that will allow you to achieve “Mom of the Year” status. I would love to hear the ways you’ve earned the title.

All jokes aside: If you do some or all of these steps, periodically or every day, it does not make you a bad mom. It just means you have a lot going on and you’re human. All these steps have been things my friends and I have done, and then jokingly said “mom of the year right here.” No matter how you feel, you are a fabulous person and you’re doing an amazing job!

It’s ok…

Ducks in a Row Do you feel like you are failing if you don’t do “all the things” perfectly and with a smile on your face? How many times have you felt like the meanest person alive because you yelled at your kids? How many times have you compared yourself to other moms who seem to have their ducks perfectly lined up in their perfectly straight line? How many times have you gone to bed crying because of the “mom guilt”?

I have my days when I feel like I’m rockin’ this mom thing. However, those days are few and far between. Most days I feel like I’m absolutely failing. Well, maybe not exactly failing, but at least feel like I’m doing just enough to get by. Most days I feel like a complete hot mess. And you know what, it’s ok.

I have to remind myself constantly that I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to have all the answers. I don’t have to do “all the things” and be “all the things.” My ducks can be scattered all over the place. It’s ok …

It’s ok to be the example of what NOT to do

I know we should lead our kids by example. And I’m pretty sure that example is supposed to be what you should do or how you should act. However, it’s ok to sometimes be the example of what NOT to do. Our kids need to know we make mistakes, and that we aren’t perfect. They like to see us be human. It’s ok if you let a cuss word (or 50) slip out. It’s ok to let that road rage loose ever so often while they are in the car. It’s ok if you overreact to a situation sometimes.

Let me ask you a question. What do you do after all cussing, fussing, and overreacting? Do you apologize? Do you reassure them you still love them? Do you have a heart-to-heart with them? Maybe not immediately, but I know you do eventually. Well, that right there is showing them the right things to do after you lose your temper.

It’s ok to say no

It’s ok to say “no” to our kids. It is so hard for me to not say “yes” to all the things they want. In the grand scheme of things, I think, “is it really that big of a deal?” I find myself looking for reasons to give them what they want. “Oooh they did something the third time I asked instead of the fifth time. That deserves a reward.” I mean, positive reinforcement is drilled into our heads. “Don’t discipline for bad, reward for good” they say, right? But, is this good for them? What is it teaching them? That they can always have what they want, when they want it? That there aren’t consequences when they do something wrong? When was the last time a police officer pulled you over and said, “I pulled you over because you were obeying all the traffic laws, and I want to reward you”?

Our kids will be just fine if they are not happy 100% of the time. Just remember, we were not always happy as kids, and we turned out just fine.

It’s ok to say no to other adults. We don’t have to go to every event. We don’t have to help everyone. We don’t have to volunteer for everything. We don’t always have to be the one’s to say “Sure, I can do it.” I absolutely love helping others. It makes me feel so good to help make someone’s load lighter. It is definitely one of my passions. But I really need to work on saying “no” sometimes.

It’s ok to need (and ask for) help

This is the hardest one for me to remember. (You thought I was going to say “it’s ok to say no,” didn’t you??). I don’t like being dependent on someone. I don’t like feeling like I’m using, taking advantage, or putting someone out. There’s this meme going around here lately that says, “Me trying to ask someone for a favor: Hey could you help me with this thing? Absolutely no pressure though. Totally ok if you can’t. If you’d rather run me over with a car that’s cool. Are you mad at me?” I relate to this more than I should. I’ve usually already rejected myself for them before I even ask. Remember, it’s ok to ask for help. You are not a lesser person if you need help. We all need help sometimes.

It’s ok to need a break

How many times have you thought (or even said) “I just need two minutes of quiet”? How many times have you dreamed of going to a cabin, hotel, or just anywhere by yourself? How amazing would it feel to worry about only yourself for one day? If you’re like me, that all sounds heavenly, but you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if you actually got that. After about 5 minutes (ok maybe 30 minutes to an hour), you would run back to all things you were trying to run away from (and then immediately regret it).

It’s ok to need a break from the ones you love the most. Guess what? They need a break from you too. Breaks are good, breaks are needed, breaks are deserved. Think about your job. Could you work your job 24/7 and not need a break? Isn’t it law that you have to have a break after so many hours of working? Motherhood is 24/7 job. Yes, we sleep, and I guess technically that’s a break (insert eye-roll here). But what about those nights your littles climb into your bed, or you have to clime into theirs? Even if/when you get a “break”, I bet you’re constantly wondering how they are, what they are doing. I know I do. Ask for help and take that break so that you can come back refreshed.

It’s ok to not be ok

“It’s ok to have a meltdown. Just don’t unpack and live there.” We’ve all heard that saying or at least a version of it. You’re having a bad day? Go lock yourself in your bedroom, or bathroom, and just have a good ole cry. Go take an extra long bath or shower and just cry. It’s good for your soul. It can be therapeutic. There is nothing wrong with crying. It doesn’t make you weak. We keep so much bottled up, and carry so much on our shoulders, we have to let it out somehow, someway, sometime. Wouldn’t it be better in a private setting than in the middle of grocery store?

Just remember, it’s ok …

If you don’t feel like it’s ok right now, it will be ok. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help make your life better.