Tag Archives: Mom of Boys

The Day I Became a Single Mom

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Have you ever had a feeling that something wasn’t quite right one day, but you just couldn’t put your finger on why? It’s not that anything is out of the ordinary that day, but you just know it’s a day that will be like no others.

My day was just like any other. Got up, got ready, took my younger son to my mom’s, took my older son to school, and off to work I went. At the end of my workday, I went to pick my older son up from school. I was no more than three minutes from the school when I got a phone call from my husband’s neighbor. I still remember the words, the feelings, my legs shaking, and my disbelief like it just happened yesterday. However, it was six and a half (almost to the day) years ago.

After I hung up with his neighbor, all the questions started flowing in my head…

  • Was it possible that it wasn’t true?
  • How do I tell the kids?
  • What does all this mean?
  • How did this happen?
  • Can I even drive?
  • What do I do now?

I remember calling my mom to see if she could watch the kids for me to go to see what was going on. I had to tell her the awful news in code since my older son was in the back seat. I dropped off my older son, spoke to my younger son, hugged them, and then left to go see what I could find out. As I was pulling out of her driveway, the police officer that was at my husband’s house called me to tell me the news that I already knew. I informed him the neighbors had already called to let me know and that I was en route to my husband’s house. They had asked me to meet them at the police station first to sign some papers since we weren’t currently living together. I barely remember this part and don’t remember what exactly I had to sign. I just remember going and signing some papers. From there, I drove to his house with the officer following me. When I arrived, the coroner was still examining the situation. When the coroner was finished, I had asked the police officers that were there if I could see my husband. I just felt like I had to see it to believe it. At first, they didn’t like the idea but agreed to let me.

After I walked out of his house, and I watched them take his body away, I had to go back to my mom’s house to get my kids. When I pulled into my mom’s driveway, I saw that my sister and brother-in-law came over to help me tell the boys. I don’t remember in which order all the next steps happened, but I know there were a lot of steps I didn’t want to have to make.

  • I was the one who had to tell my boys that they would no longer see their father.
  • I was the one who had to call my father-in-law to let him know his only son had passed away.
  • I was the one that had to call his closest friends to let them know the horrific news.
  • I was the one that had to post the information on Facebook so that all his other friends would know.

I have lost people in this world, people who were very close to me. With some, I knew it was going to happen, others were a huge surprise. Nothing has been as hard as losing my husband. The grief didn’t happen all at once. I was able to hold it together (for the most part) during the planning of the funeral, the actual ceremony, and around my kids, but when I was alone I was able to feel it all, and feel it all I did. Several months had passed by before I could talk about him without getting emotional.

I’m sure you’ve been wondering if he was my husband, and I’m calling him my husband, and he was the father of my kids, why were we not living together? We had been separated for a year. Not because we didn’t love each other, just because strangely enough that’s what was best for the kids. They were only five and one when we separated (six and two when he passed away), but I knew our relationship was too toxic to have the kids live in that every day. I didn’t want them to grow up to think that’s how a marriage should be. I was very much torn between not wanting to break my vows, not wanting to leave the man I had loved since I was a teenager (although we hadn’t consecutively been together that long), and wanting to not raise my children in an environment that was full of arguments. What we argued about isn’t important, but nevertheless, that was our life.

While there isn’t a day that goes by that I wonder if we had been living together, would I have been there to call the hospital and would he still be here. Then there’s that thought that if we were living together, the boys would have had to live in the house where their father passed away. It was bad enough to have to go in that house to organize and move his belongings out, I could not imagine how it would have been to go to that house every day to live.

Although I try my hardest, I know I’m not able to take the place of their father, no one can. However, one reason I’m so passionate about Scouts is the boys are surrounded by positive male role models. I try to put as many positive male role models (grandfathers, uncle, cousins, friends) in their paths.

I Want to Travel

Northern LIghtsWhen I chose our homeschool curriculum, I had 4 Social Studies topics from which to choose.  I chose Geography & Cultures. Over the past month we’ve been homeschooling, we have reviewed the continents and oceans, and then went to Europe.  We discussed the continent as a whole, located all the countries on a map, and have studied deeper about the bigger countries.  We have about one more week to spend in Europe, and then we will move on to Africa.  My traveling dream has really sparked seeing all the breathtaking pictures and videos about these beautiful countries.  The kids are definitely not as fascinated as I am though. 

As a kid, I didn’t care that much about traveling. We took our vacations to the beach every year and occasionally went to the mountains. We weren’t that family that just flew or drove anywhere and everywhere. 95% of our traveling was no more than 4 hours from our house, and that was fine by me. Even though I loved our vacations, and the traveling to and from the destination didn’t bother me since I slept the entire trip, I was (and still am) a big homebody.

The older I got, the more I wanted to travel, but still wanted to stay “close to home.” I still had no desire to “cross the pond,” I just wanted to see the contiguous United States. I’ve often thought about purchasing an RV so I would be able to accomplish this dream. That way I would be able to be at home without being at home.

There are basically three types of dreams: realistic dreams, dreams that aren’t outrageous but still probably unobtainable, and knowingly unobtainable dreams. These types of dreams are different for everyone. For me, an example is a realistic traveling dream would be the kids and I vacationing at the beach this summer. An example of the second kind of dream would be me purchasing an RV and visiting 48 of the 50 states. The third type would be me traveling the world. Sure there is a chance they could all come true, and there is a chance none of them could come true.

I am too much of a realist to put too much thought into unobtainable dreams. However, it doesn’t hurt to fantasize. I will continue to look at pictures, and will probably add more countries to my fantasy list as we learn more about other countries. Currently, my top two places are England and Finland. I may even search how much it would cost. I just don’t see this dream becoming a reality.

I have already looked at the prices of RVs, and also learned how difficult it is to maintain them, which is why this is a dream that isn’t necessarily outrageous, but it probably is unobtainable for me. However, this would be a dream for which I would start saving money. It would be more like an “after the kids go to college” type of dream.

The plans for the beach vacation are already in the works, thanks to a nice little nudge from my sister. It will be nice to put my toes in the sand and stay in my happy place for a few days.

What are some of your dreams, realistic or other? I would love to hear about them!

A day in the life

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SpyingHave you ever looked at houses while you’re riding down the road and wondered, “what are their lives like? What do they do? How do they live their day-to-day life?” Well, if you’ve ever wondered that about me, here ya go! Right, wrong, pretty, ugly, and pretty ugly this is my life.

My typical day has changed so much in the last year. Not only did it change tremendously when the pandemic started, but it has also continuously evolved in the past eleven months. My typical day today was not my typical day a couple of months ago, and it definitely wasn’t a typical day over a year ago.

Pre-pandemic life was very strictly scheduled. Every week was a copy and paste from the last week. Every Monday thru Friday the kids had school from 8:00-3:00, and I had work from 8:30-3:00. I went to one job on Monday and Friday and the other job was Tuesday through Thursday. Monday nights we had Scouts. Tuesday nights I had a meeting with my direct sales team. Wednesday nights my younger son had guitar practice. Thursday nights were my catchup night. The weekends were for cleaning, laundry, yard work, homework, Scout activities, and working my direct sales business. The kids were in bed most nights by 9:00 and some nights by 10:00, and I wasn’t far behind them.

The pandemic put the breaks on just about all of that schedule. The kids were still in school and I was still working during the same hours, but we were all at home. Scout meetings halted for a while and then moved to virtual meetings for the older kids in the Troop. For the scouts in the pack, it just stopped. Tuesday night direct sales meetings switched to virtual. Wednesday night guitar lessons switched to virtual until we decided to quit until we could be in person again. Then summer got canceled. Well, I guess summer didn’t technically get canceled, but all the activities we had planned got canceled. All weekend and summer camps we had planned were canceled. Summer was full of extra yard work, many trips to parks to help battle cabin fever, and some deep cleaning and purging of rooms in the house.

Here lately our days have looked more relaxed, but are still busy… well at least for me. I’ve been waking anywhere between 8:00 and 10:00 (ok maybe more like 10:00 or 10:15). I fix my coffee, walk the dog, and turn on my computer. I am starting to work by 10:30 or 10:45. My younger son is usually up, but he is like me in the morning. He likes to wait to eat breakfast, and he’s usually relaxing and watching TV. I’m not exactly sure what time he has been waking me up, but he tells me it’s nine something and sometimes ten.

I work for a good hour to an hour and a half with practically no distractions. I may get a “will you fix me something to eat” from my younger son unless he can fix it himself. Then I start trying to wake my older son. Waking him is equally the most aggravating and most fun thing I do all day (probably for the both of us). I usually start by ticking or poking him and say “it’s time to get up” in my sweet voice. Then I start pulling covers off him and his bed. If all of that doesn’t work, I get Alexa to play the loudest most annoying music. As a last resort, I squirt him with water. He gets mad, then laughs, and chases me out of his room. The whole process, start to finish, usually takes a good hour. What can I say, he gets it honest. During the process, little man and I are usually eating lunch.

By this point I’ve started to work again, my older son has fixed himself some breakfast, and my younger son is watching a show somewhere. From there, I’m working off and on until about 4:00 or 5:00, and the kids are keeping themselves occupied. After I’m done working for the day, we all eat again and I take a break. My “break” consists of me cleaning up a few dishes, walking the dog again, feeding the dog, and straightening up my desk from work so I can get ready for homeschooling.

We have been starting our lessons around 5:30 or 6:00 each evening. If the kids worked independently during the day, I check what they did, and we discuss anything they didn’t understand. If they didn’t work independently, I make sure they understand their Math, Language Arts, and Reading assignments, and they complete the assignments. Then we do Geography and Science together. We are done with homeschool by 9:00 at night, and then our nighttime routine starts.

The nighttime routine consists of showers and baths, housework, eating a bedtime “snack” (which is actually another meal), another dog walk, brushing teeth, and getting into bed. The kids are usually in bed by 11:00, but that doesn’t mean the older one goes to sleep. I still lay in bed with my younger son until he goes to sleep. A part of me hates that I still do this because I feel like he’s too old for me to lay with him every night. Then I think “he’s only young once,” and “he won’t always want me to do this.” Plus, it gives me a chance to wind down. I lay there and play games on my phone and for about thirty to forty-five minutes I get to just relax.

After my younger son is asleep, I get up, work on my blog a little, and look over my schedule for the next day to make sure I’m not missing something important. I make sure my alarms are set (even though I won’t hear them), and turn on a show I’ve seen a million times, and go to sleep. I’m usually asleep anytime between 1 AM and 3 AM.

There is my typical day. Naturally, not every day is exactly like that, but generally, that’s how my days are spent. Exciting, huh? Weekends get mixed up a bit, but they are usually spent getting caught up with housework, planning the next week, grocery shopping, and occasionally throwing in something fun.

I often wonder what post-pandemic life will look like. I’m hoping for a healthy mix of “current life” and “pre-pandemic life.” I don’t want to go back to the busy schedule we had before, but at the same time, I miss the things we did. One thing is for sure, I do not want early pandemic life!